The Fantasies of Johnny Zacchara
by oypoodle
Summary: Johnny has a problem, and he can't make it stop.
1. Chapter 1

They are sitting in his car in an opening under the stars somewhere. He doesn't know where, he doesn't really care where, but they are sitting in silence and when he turns to her, there is moonlight shining on her face. She's smiling.

She's beautiful.

He can't help it when he reaches forward and tucks a stray piece of hair behind her hair. She closes her eyes at his touch and leans into his hand.

His lips meet hers slowly and he tangles his fingers in her hair, twisting her blonde locks in his hands. She moans slightly into his mouth as his tongue runs along her bottom lip and he takes advantage of the moment to explore her mouth with his tongue. She tastes like ice cream.

Suddenly she climbs over the console that is separating them and straddles his lap, her knees on either side of his hips. She shifts slightly and he lets out a groan deep in his throat because she just hit THAT spot and she has no idea and he isn't really focused on it because her hands have found the bottom of his sweater and her nails are raking against his stomach and he really, really thinks he may just die right now.

His hands slide up her jeans as he moves to the spot behind her ear and gently bites her earlobe. She lets out a pant and a sigh that sounds something like his name and clutches to his biceps, her nails leaving little half moon marks beneath his sweater. His thumbs run gentle circles onto the skin above her jeans as he kisses her neck and she shifts her hips again, and then again. He growls into her shoulder and pushes her shirt up and over her head. His hands follow a path up her bare skin.

"Johnny." She breathes it out as his mouth finds her neck and begins a slow descent down ward. She twists her hands into his hair and pulls.

He wakes up panting, his sheets twisted around his body like a straightjacket. He realizes where he is and closes his eyes, letting his head fall back against the pillows.

"Oh, this isn't good."


	2. Chapter 2

There isn't even any context with this one. They aren't in his car. They aren't driving anywhere. This is not a normal situation he typically finds himself in with her.

He is sitting at his desk and she is sitting in front of him, her hands resting on the wood, her legs swinging back and forth right above the carpet. Her head is tilted to the side slightly and she is bighting her bottom lip and he thinks it is the sexiest thing he has probably ever seen.

She is wearing a cotton tank top and short polka dots shorts and her hair falls in soft waves on her shoulders. She is smiling slightly and he can feel a grin appear on his own face.

He isn't touching her at all. His chair is pushed back enough that his knees are a couple inches away from her swinging calves. He is just looking at her, being happy, and he is happy. He could sit like this, forever, just looking at her.

But she has other plans. She reaches a hand out towards him and he takes it, twisting his fingers between hers. She tugs and he stands up, towering over her small form sitting on the edge of his desk. She releases his hand and finds his hips, tugging his belt loops closer.

He chuckles and the sound rumbles in his stomach as he stands in the space between her knees. "I thought you wanted me to stop working." He leans forward and kisses her neck. He hears her expel a breath and places another kiss right below her ear. "I thought you wanted me to come to bed."

Her hands slide to his back and under the hem of his shirt, rubbing gentle circles on the warm skin of his lower back. She hears him sigh into her neck and smiles.

"Here works too."

He kisses her forcefully, bringing his hands up to her face and pulling her against him. Her hands stop their pattern up and down his back and clutch his ribcage as he opens her mouth with his tongue.

He pulls away panting. "So you just wanted me for your own uses."

She smiles and pulls him in for a quick, burning kiss. "Something like that."

Her lips travel across his chin, to his neck, to his Adam's apple where she swirls her tongue against his skin. His hands seek her skin as a slight moan escapes his lips. His hands push her tank top up as he touches her bare stomach and she gasps.

His mouth seeks hers again and this kiss is different. It isn't calm and serene, laced with laziness and exhaustion from a long day. It is frenzied and passionate, their tongues meeting and lips crushing. He pushes her back the best he can so that her back is flat on his desk. He knocks something away with his arm as she tugs impatiently on his sweater and pulls it over his head.

He is holding his weight over her with his forearms as she traces shapes across his bare chest. She smiles at him lazily before pulling him towards her quickly. He is thrown off balance by the sudden movement and falls on top of her, pressing her hips into the desk with his.

She lets out a moan of pleasure as she shifts under him and he sees stars. She sees the look that crosses his face and smiles slyly. She shifts again and he lets out a load groan, letting his head fall into her neck.

She giggles and shifts again but stops when she feels his teeth on her neck. She lets out a loud gasp as he licks the tender skin over. He pulls back and looks at her darkened eyes.

"Oh, you'll pay for that Zacchara."

He smiles and leans forward, his thumbs hooking in her shorts and pulling downwards.

"I'm counting on it, Spencer."

When he wakes up, his forehead is against the mahogany of his desk. He blinks several times without lifting his head and lets out a groan of frustration. He slams his head against it several times and vows he is never going to sleep again, ever.


	3. Chapter 3

He is sitting in the overstuffed arm chair in the corner of his room and she is curled up in a ball in his lap, a bowl of cookie dough ice cream balancing on her knees. Her head is tucked under his chin and she is giggling at odd intervals while the television flashes its light across the darkened room.

Her toes are tucked under his thigh and she is wearing one of his over sized shirts and nothing else. Her thighs are exposed and goose bumps raise as he runs his hand gently across her skin, up and down her thigh.

She spoons the ice cream into her mouth and sighs in contentment. He isn't paying attention to the movie. He is paying attention to how it feels to have her securely in his arms, her free hand rubbing gently circles on his forearm. He is focusing on how it feels to feel her giggle against his chest. He is focusing on how it feels to have her toes move beneath his leg. He is focusing on how it feels to have someone fit perfectly against you.

This moment is perfection. He feels safe. And for the first time, he feels like he belongs.

She moves her head so she is looking up at him and holds a spoon full of ice cream in front of his mouth. He gives her a crooked grin before smiling and opening. She giggles as she slips the spoon in and ice cream drips down his face.

"Oh, poor baby." She rearranges herself in his lap so she is facing him and kisses his chin where the ice cream dripped, licking it off slowly. He closes his eyes and lets out a deep sigh at the feeling of her tongue against his skin. He feels her move up and kiss the corner of his mouth, smiling against him.

He opens his eyes and she is smiling softly at him, her hand on his cheek. She leans forward and kisses him carefully on the lips, almost as if he were about to break. She pulls away and rests her forehead against his and his hands continue their path up and down her bare thighs.

"Johnny, I love you." It's a soft whisper that reverberates through the room and he feels his heart literally explode in his chest. He catches her lips in a gentle kiss.

"I love you."

When he wakes up this time, he isn't sweating. He isn't in desperate need of a cold shower. He doesn't feel blood rushing to other parts of his body. In fact, he doesn't even jolt awake.

He opens his eyes slowly and feels a hole in his chest where his heart should be. He is overcome with sadness. The other dreams were bad, reminding him of what he couldn't have, couldn't touch. But this was worse. This was reminding him of something he could never experience.

He could never be happy with her. He could never love her, and she could never love him. He would never have that moment of vulnerability and comfort with her. No domesticity. No emotion.

He turns over in his bed and shoves his head under a pillow, knocking away the alarm clock that reads 2 am in obnoxious neon letters. He turns over and wills himself not to feel.

He really must give up sleeping. It's killing him.


	4. Chapter 4

They are at the overlook and he has her pressed up against a tree and she is moaning into his mouth as her tongue moves against his. Her moan is desperate and full of need as he pushes her harder against the tree, his hips locking against hers, his knee moving in between hers, essentially pinning her against the rough bark.

He moves to her neck and he can hear her panting directly into his ear. She is making soft sounds as his hands work her belt buckle and release the button.

"Johnny, we can't." Her voice sounds miles away, coming in whispery breaths. "Someone might find-"

He cuts her off with a demanding kiss and she pulls his jacket, bringing his body against hers again, her leg hiking up slightly. He smiles at her contradiction and runs his hand down her thigh to the back of her knee and pulls it up around him. She lets out a sharp gasp and hooks her foot at the small of his back, beginning a slow rhythm with her hips.

He groans and drops his head to her shoulder as his hips respond, moving counterclockwise to her own. She hums with pleasure in his ear, her hands moving between them to pull at his belt.

He is totally focused on the path his hands are taking, unzipping her jeans and hooking the denim between his thumbs, that he doesn't notice someone moving behind him. He is so focused on the paths her hands are taking, her nails circling the skin of his abdomen, that he doesn't hear the movement behind him.

He isn't even aware that anyone is with them until a strong hand comes down on his shoulder.

He jolts awake and finds he is in a cold sweat and Trevor is resting his hand on his shoulder. He pushes off his arm and runs his hands over his face, forcing the images to leave his mind.

"John, I'm worried about you."Johnny looks up at the greasy lawyer and quirks an eyebrow, his eyes darkening.

"You shouldn't be."

"You look awful."

"Really, because I feel fantastic." Sarcasm tinges his voice as he pushes past Trevor to the alcohol cart, reaching for a glass and a bottle of Jack. Silence resides in the room as he downs a quick shot and plays with the empty glass in his hands, his eyes focused on the clear material, the images of Lulu grinding against him fresh in his mind.

He cringes.

"You said her name."

He cringes again. "What?"

He can almost hear the smile in Trevor's voice. "You said her name, when you were asleep." He pauses before walking over to the door.

"You said Lulu."

The glass shatters against the door as Trevor disappears behind it.


	5. Chapter 5

He stumbles in to Jason's office, his hair askew, his clothes ruffled. Jason looks up calmly, his eyebrow raised in question, his pen stilling on the paper. Max flies in behind Johnny.

"No problem Max."

"Yeah, Max." Johnny's voice is rough and a little higher than usual. "No problem." He laughs after this and plops himself in the chair in front of Jason. Max shoots Jason a look and Jason just shrugs. Max leaves the room, shutting the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?"

Johnny picks up one of the coffee mugs on Jason's desk, ignoring the question, and moves it from hand to hand, his eyes growing larger and then smaller. Jason looks at him carefully.

He can see that his short hair has somehow managed to stick up at odd angles and there are large bags under his eyes, going from black to purple. His eyes themselves are red rimmed and frantic looking. His body has assumed a sort of slouch and his right leg won't stop moving. His body seems to have lost total control of itself.

"Johnny!" Jason shouts his name and Johnny jumps in his chair, dropping the mug on the floor. It cracks cleanly in half. Johnny stares at it before leaning forward and picking up the shards of glass slowly, one by one.

Jason rolls his eyes and sits up in his chair, looking at Johnny's huddled form. Something isn't right.

"Why are you here?"

"Everything breaks, everything falls apart." He mumbles. "I can't help it."  


He leans back up and deposits the broken ceramic on Jason's desk as if it were a gift from the God's. He sighs and falls back. "It's what I do."

Jason decides the better way to do this is just play it by ear. He looks at Johnny carefully, squinting his eyes and folding his hands.

Johnny mocks his position, smiling a crooked grin, squinting his eyes obnoxiously.

Jason sighs. "Are you drunk?"

"No."

"High?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Maybe?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

There is a pause and Johnny drops his hands, the smile wiping off his face. "I need you to knock me out." He supplies simply. Jason looks at him.

"What?"

"Hit me in the back of the head, right-" He turns his head and points a finger at the base of his skull. "Here."

There is silence and Johnny drops his hand and looks back at Jason. Jason 

merely raises his eyebrows. "You are asking me, to knock you out?"

"I haven't slept in four days."

"Why?"

"Unimportant. Just knock me out and I can get some sleep. It makes sense. Unconscious people don't dream."

"Why would I knock-"

Jason's sentence is cut off by the door slamming open and Lulu striding through. Johnny turns in his seat slightly, sees it her and lets out a loud groan. He faces forward and puts his head in his hands. Lulu looks from Jason, to Johnny, to Jason again, the crease in her forehead deepening.

She drops her bag on the floor and takes a step forward. "What are you doing here?"

She directs it at Johnny but he refuses to take his face out of his hands, like a petulant child in time out for stealing a cookie. She frowns and looks at Jason.

"Why is he here?"

Jason leans back in his chair and scratches his chin, looking at Johnny with a curious stare. "He wants me to knock him out."

"Wait, what?"

"He wants me to hit him in the back of the skull and knock him out."

Johnny lets out another loud groan and buries his face deeper in his hands. 

Lulu stares at him, the urge to touch his strained back overwhelming. She reaches out a hand and touches his shoulder and he flinches, bringing his head out of his hands and looking at her accusingly, his eyes wide. He stand sup abruptly, swaying slightly as the blood rushes to his head. She takes a step back.

"You." He points at her.

"Me, what?"

"You drive me fucking insane."

The way he says it makes her want to laugh because honestly, she cannot take him seriously. He is swaying back and forth on his feet and he is pointing at her, his eyes narrowed.

"I'm sorry?"

"You." He repeats and takes a step forward. "With your hair and your smiling and your, uh-" He closes his eyes and puts a hand to his forehead, searching for a word. "Mouth. Your mouth. You drive me fucking insane."

Jason sighs and gets up from behind his desk, walking behind Johnny and pulling out his gun from his back pocket. He turns it in his hand carefully so that the blunt handle is facing Johnny and raises his arm. Lulu barely screams stop before Johnny is slouched forward, Lulu holding his weight the best he can.

"Was that necessary?" She growls, her arms shifting, trying to bring his body closer to hers.

Jason smirks and goes back to behind his desk. "Is that a serious question?"


End file.
